Cold Hands
by some pierrot
Summary: "Love," Kageyama echoed dumbly. The heart palpitations, the sweaty palms, the ache in his stomach. He supposed it made sense. It certainly fit with the little he knew of the whole thing. He was in love? Yes, in which Kageyama is a huge dumb shit in love.
1. Chapter 1

**Herro.**

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"Sometimes I get distracted by this person. And my stomach feels upset, but I don't need to poop. Sometimes..." he paused, biting his lip. "I sometimes don't even feel like playing volleyball." He finished with a fierce look, as if he couldn't even believe what he had just said.

"I'm not certain, but for Kageyama, that's probably love, isn't it?" Suga-sempai seemed mildly embarrassed, but his expression was soft. He rubbed the back of his neck.

"Love," Kageyama echoed dumbly. The heart palpitations, the sweaty palms, the ache in his stomach. He supposed it made sense. It certainly fit with the little he knew of the whole thing. But then again...it didn't make sense at all...How could he be in love? With..._him. _His expression darkened just thinking about it.

Nishinoya popped up, his eyes bright. "What's this? You're talking about love? Ask me! I'm the expert." He beamed and Kageyama, flustered by the questions, struggled to even find his voice.

Suga hurriedly raised his hands, trying to dismiss the inquisitorial squad before they could gather. But by then, it was already too late.

"Kageyama's in love?" Tanaka seemed delighted. "If Kageyama's off the market, this time I'll get a girlfriend!"

Noya-sempai lit up like a sparkler. "That's right, isn't it! I heard Kageyama's pretty popular, aren't you-?" He nudged the younger boy, winking.

Tsukishima's smirk was almost audible, even as he glided on by towards the locker room, "I didn't know you had space for anything but volleyball in that tiny brain of yours."

"Tiny brain," Yamaguchi echoed, stifling a laugh.

"Oi." Their captain finally entered the scene, his face frightening. "There's a lot more to clean up, get moving. Not you, Kageyama." He waited for the rest to disperse before rounding on Kageyama and the vice-captain. "What's going on here? Am I allowed to know or is this a secret?"

After exchanging a questioning glance, and after Kageyama reluctantly inclined his head, Suga leaned in, whispering in Daichi's ear. Out of the corner of his eye, Kageyama could see Daichi's expression change. First a look of surprise, then a knowing smile that made Kageyama flush red. He hadn't wanted this much attention, that was why he cornered Sugawara-sempai after practice when everyone else was supposed to be cleaning up. But, he tried to tell himself, the sempai knew what they were talking about, didn't they? He rubbed his upper arm awkwardly, pinching, and digging his nails into his skin.

He hmmed. "So that's what's been bothering you. Your game has been off lately, I was beginning to wonder why." Kageyama flinched.

"I-I'm sorry," he hurriedly replied, guilt making him speak louder, more angrily, than he intended. It wasn't as if he _wanted_ to be in love. He didn't even know how it happened, really. One day he had been playing volleyball to his heart's content and the next-

"You should probably address it."

Suga's voice was gentle as he agreed, "I think so too. Kageyama-kun, you like volleyball more than anything, don't you?" A vehement nod from the black-haired boy. "Then I think it's best you...put the matter to rest so to speak. How do I put it...Kageyama-kun, you're kind of a simple person. It's probably for the best you don't overthink anything and just do what you want." He smiled, before reaching out and patting Kageyama on the head in that motherly way of his.

"Just do what I want," he echoed this too, confusion coloring his words. What did that even mean? What he wanted was to play volleyball and win.

Daichi clapped the first year on the shoulder, nodding solemnly. "Until you're back to your normal self, everyone will be worried about you. You-know-who in particular." He grinned, before striding off in the direction of Nishinoya and Tanaka. "Now go on and help everyone else. We're already running late."

"O-osu!" He hurried to obey, but his head was still spinning. Love? Wasn't that for girls? Or people who cared about that kind of thing? Not for him. He had volleyball, which meant he had no time for anything else. Especially not love. He gave his head a violent shake as if that would dislodge the thoughts running around in there.

"Kageyama!"

He turned, his expression furrowed and grim.

Hinata was calling him, drowning beneath a tangle of heavy netting. Kageyama stalked over, whacking the shorter boy on the head. "Stupid! You're supposed to wind it as you take it down so it doesn't get tangled!"

Hinata mewled piteously. "I-I know that! I just dropped it because it was so heavy and-look can you just help me up?" He stuck out a hand, his slender body trembling under the weight.

His stomach twisted and he frowned, glaring at the boy for a second.

"Kageyamaaaaa," Hinata whined. "I'm sorry, okay? Just help me, please!" He shook his hand more violently, and with a snort, Kageyama grabbed it and bodily dragged him out of the mess. Back on his own two feet, Hinata was visibly relieved. Immediately, he hopped back to work, stretching out the net and trying to lie it flat.

Asahi walked by, the other net easily hoisted over his shoulder. Nishinoya was trailing behind uselessly, arms raised high above his head as he kept the back end aloft. "Do you two need help?"

"No thank you!" Both kouhai responded simultaneously, bowing.

The giant smiled peaceably. "I'll have Daichi leave the key for you then. Be sure to lock everything up properly."

"See you tomorrow, Shouyou, Kageyama!" Nishinoya hopped after Asahi.

"Osu! Otsukaresama deshita!" They bowed again, before getting to work once again. Together, they were able to undo all of the tangles, stretching it across the court. And finally, with Kageyama overseeing the process, they rolled it up neatly this time and dragged the net back into the storage room. Hinata found the key in its usual spot and made sure to lock the closet and the door to the gym as they left.

"Kageyama, wait for me. I'm going to go return this to the teacher's office. Let's go home together!" He ran off without waiting for a reply.

Kageyama huffed under his breath. They went home practically every day after training; why did Hinata constantly feel the need to ask? Somehow along the way, they had become, what, friends? Had he ever had friends before? Kageyama couldn't remember. He didn't even know if that's what they were, they still argued so damn often. But Hinata was always around him and seemed happy enough. His smile-

There it was again. His heart thumped loudly in his chest.

In the silence, Kageyama's thoughts seemed louder than ever. The days were getting shorter and the nights colder, but still he felt so hot. What was wrong with him? Spinning angrily, he kicked the cement steps and immediately regretted it. His foot stung and a stream of mumbled curses poured out of his mouth.

"Okay! Thanks for waiting!"

He nearly jumped out of his skin. "S-stupid Hinata!" was out before he even knew he had opened his mouth.

Hinata, for one, seemed just as surprised. "Wh-what did I do?" His lip puckered out childishly, his expression confused.

He had immediately regretted saying it, but apologies had never come naturally to him. Restraining his urge to shout, he stumbled over his words, "You're so slow. Hurry up, I'm hungry."

And just like that, Hinata brightened, launching into a story about his day. How did he do that? How did he make everything so natural? How could he be so consistently bright? Hinata just-Kageyama searched for the words-sparkled.

"Uh...Kageyama? What are you doing?"

Kageyama blinked. Hinata's eyes were staring up at him, curious and confused. Inches away from him. He suddenly noticed his hand around Hinata's wrist. He jumped back as if burned, a flush creeping up his neck. What had he been doing? What was that? How did he do that? His hand was tingling where it touched the other, traveling up his arm, wanting to touch just a little more.

"N-nothing!" He shoved his hands furiously into his pockets, taking long strides as he tried to escape. "Leave me alone," He threw over his shoulder, afraid to even look in the other boy's direction. He heard no footsteps following behind him and his heart twisted in his chest again. Was he relieved? Or was this disappointment?

"Kageyama!" It was not his name that made him stop, but the sound of that voice. Timid, embarrassed, and above all, worried.

He turned back against his will. Hinata stood alone, his eyes shadowed by the lamplight. What? He was about to say, but his voice would not come. For a moment, they stood there, regarding each other in silence. And then, still in that shy voice that was so uncharacteristic, Hinata asked, "Kageyama, do you have someone you like?"

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**Next chapter to come soon. Kagehina is life, guys, pls don't forget.**

**Cyn**


	2. Chapter 2

**bam.**

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Hinata knew what he wanted to ask, it was right there at the tip of his tongue. But as he stared at Kageyama, those dark eyes burrowing right through him, it seemed impossible to say. He opened his mouth multiple times—_a fish out of water_ was the phrase that came to mind—and still yet he could not seem to get them out.

He pressed his hand to his heart, taking a deep breath. Then in a voice that certainly didn't sound like his, he asked, "Kageyama, do you have someone you like?"

Whatever Kageyama had been expecting, it certainly wasn't that. They accidentally held hands and _that's_ what the idiot chose to ask?

Hinata had his eyes averted, apparently embarrassed by the conversation before it had even begun. Kageyama was relieved. It gave him a moment to clear his head, to swallow down the flush before it could spread.

"Huh?"

Hinata looked up warily, but Kageyama's expression was no different than normal. Cold and angry. It was reassuring, in its own familiar way, and he brightened up considerably. "See, I kind of…overheard you talking to the sempai earlier and I was just…" he tapped his index fingers together, a faint blush rising to his cheeks. "I was just wondering how come you didn't talk to me about it."

"HAH?" If possible, Kageyama looked even more furious. "What do you care, stupid Hinata?"

Hinata jumped, covering his face with his arms in case of attack. "I mean, we're friends, aren't we? I'll help you if you ever need it. If you tell me who she is maybe I can help you get to know her."

"Get to know her," he echoed, disbelief coloring his words.

"Well yeah. I may not look like it, but I'm pretty popular with the girls." He sniffed, obviously pleased with himself, rubbing a finger under his nose mock-bashfully.

Ignoring the jealous voice that raged in his head, tried to remind himself of the fact that Hinata could hardly even talk to girls, much less be popular with them. "And why do you think I even need your help?" Kageyama was on the verge of violence, his hand squeezing into a fist.

Hinata's eyes widened. When he spoke it was as if the answer was obvious. "I'm your partner, right? We're supposed to take on the world! Of course I'm worried about you when you don't play well!"

Oh.

Perhaps it was obvious. Somewhere in Kageyama's volleyball-addled mind, that response certainly made sense. Somewhere else in Kageyama's Hinata-addled mind, the following answer made sense as well. "Idiot. It's _your_ fault!"

"_Mine?_" Hinata gasped. "What did I do? I don't think I did anything wrong! I mean, I know I missed those hits earlier but I kind of felt like the ball was going to the…wrong…" He quickly cut himself off, this time certain he was going to get beat up. Squeaking as he raised his hands over his head, he squeezed his eyes shut.

But no hit came.

Kageyama's brow was furrowed, his arms crossed, and his lips curving downwards sulkily. Hinata was right, wasn't he? Above all, they both treasured volleyball. If it was Kageyama's inability to focus, then it was his fault. "Isfine," he mumbled.

A beat passed.

Hinata had to hop closer to hear. "What'd you say?"

"I said it's fine!" He shouted, "I'll take care of it! I'll send you good passes." And he would. He had to. He couldn't hold Hinata back, not when he was being depended upon. They had made a promise after all. He was being stupid, that much was clear now. Reluctantly, forcibly, he smiled.

Hinata beamed back. "Good! Let's go then." Pleased with himself, he ruffled up the back of his hair and hopped onward, only to loft the question Kageyama had originally been expecting. "Hey, what was that with my hand before? Was I going too fast? You really should just say something instead, grabbing my hand is kind of weird isn't it?" He glanced over his shoulder slyly, only to come to an abrupt stop.

Kageyama was staring. Not angrily. Not happily. Not even like Hinata had a bug on his face. He was simply lost in thought, mind wandering somewhere the smaller boy could not see.

"Wh-what? What's wrong? Is something wrong?" Hinata patted his cheeks furiously, looking horrified.

_Cute_.

What? Who? Who said that? Kageyama fought the simultaneous urges to pinch Hinata's cheeks and slap himself. "Nothing, stupid Hinata." It was an effort just to keep his hands to himself. How could he be losing such control? The same hands that were praised for such precision and genius; now they wouldn't even obey the simple command to stay in his own personal bubble. Who was the stupid one now? He pushed his hands further down into his pockets, making clenched fists as if that would be enough to distract them.

Hinata's brows remained pinched as he eyed the taller boy—a sure sign he was thinking too deeply. "But…Kageyama, I'm really worried about you. If something's really bothering you, you can tell me, right? I know you might not want to, but I like you when you're tossing for me."

_I like you. I like you. I like you._

"Enough." Kageyama couldn't take it. Not this. Not right now. Suga-sempai's words were getting all jumbled up in his head, mixing with inappropriate thoughts. And Hinata, stupid, horrible Hinata, just seemed to be pressing all the right buttons today. It was too much. Kageyama had had enough.

"Huh? What? Was it something I said?"

"Yes! It was!" He was furious for no good reason at all. He knew he wanted to punch something—his fingers were itching inside his jacket—but he restrained himself, trembling from the effort. "Enough," he repeated, and this time his voice was low and dark. "Just leave me alone, Hinata."

For the second time, he turned away, but this time his name was not called and he did not stop and turn back. His heart twisted in his chest. Was he relieved? Or what this disappointment?

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**Reviews will be great pls. **

**Cyn**


	3. Chapter 3

**slight backtrack to cute kageyama in love. **

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He was trying to figure out when it had started. Now that he knew it existed, now that he had a word to put to the wobbliness and aching, he had to be thoughtful about this. Isolate his feelings and then let them go. That was the trick. That was how volleyball worked after all and when it came to volleyball, Kageyama was rarely wrong. So he thought about it, playing back every single interaction with the shorter boy he could remember-which astonishingly, was quite a bit.

Perhaps it had been that day at lunch, when he stumbled upon Sugawara-senpai and the stupid one practicing behind the east building. He had stumbled upon them multiple times, but it was only ever the first time that stuck. Because that was the time that Hinata finally acknowledged something Kageyama might have needed to hear: I don't want to lose anymore.

That might have been it...perhaps.

What he _did_ know for certain was when it _hadn't_ started. Now that, that was when Hinata had asked for a toss and Kageyama dismissed him. _'I'll toss to you if I think we need it, but I've never for one second thought we need you,'_ had been his words and he shivered now to think of the person who had said it.

It was exactly the sort of thing he might have said in Kitagawa Daiichi, when he had been King of the Court and hated every second of it. Not volleyball, no. Not the game itself. But what he had done to it. It had been so painful he could have cried.

No, he was never going back there again. That was why he joined Karasuno in the first place. He wanted a new start with a team he'd be able to beat the odds with. If he joined a weak team, of course they'd want him, right? He wasn't so oblivious as to not realize he was good at what he did. But perhaps a part of him just wanted to be needed. Karasuno would need him.

That's what he had thought, all the way up to the point where the volleyball captain had forcibly kicked them out of the gym and told him to get out. It was all thanks to Hinata.

Stupid, annoying Hinata. Hinata who didn't realize how bad he was and how little he could contribute to any team. He was uncoordinated and noisy and god-didn't he know that overzealousness wouldn't make amends for a lack of skill?

So...when had it actually started?

When had Hinata become so important, no, irreplaceable? At what point did Kageyama begin to equate volleyball with Hinata?

There was the moment Hinata had said, "We haven't lost yet". So Kageyama chanced it. He bet everything on this one toss, hoping against hope that this time there would be someone there. Kageyama tossed and Hinata had been there. It wasn't the greatest spike, nor the greatest landing for that matter, but who cares? Hinata had _been there_. He was so happy, so damn happy, just to receive a pass that Kageyama had almost shivered.

"On Saturday," Kageyama had ventured to say, "let's win it." He had no other words to express himself; he didn't even know whether or not he should smile. But Hinata had done enough smiling for the both of them.

His knees shaking and his face flushed, Hinata had looked up and smiled and…

Well, maybe that was it.

...

Actually, now that Kageyama thought about it, perhaps that was not when it started. Because...now that he thought about it, he remembered a particularly vivid scene whereupon Hinata had thrown up the contents of his lunch right on Kageyama's shoes.

Needless to say, that wasn't the best way to any boy's heart.

Someone laughed and he was startled from his thoughts. And then he realized he had laughed. Abruptly, he clamped a hand over his mouth. He was alone in the sanctity of his own bedroom, but still he rested his head on the desk, burrowing his head in his arms.

It was only with his eye to the paper that he finally realized what he had been writing for the past ten minutes, instead of the math homework he was supposed to have been doing.

There, written on the page his incriminating handwriting: Hinata Shouyou_._

Kageyama's face turned red within seconds, the flush creeping onto his cheeks and making his face hot. Hurriedly, he scratched it out with his pencil, but even that wasn't enough. Ripping the page from his notebook, he crumpled it and dunked it in the trash. Only when it was out of sight did he pause, taking deep breathes to calm himself. His heart was beating fast and his head swam with thoughts of a particular orange-haired shorty, but he didn't think too hard on that. His brain didn't wish to process what had just happened.

So he didn't.

He wouldn't.

They were partners, that's all it was. It was perfectly normal to be concerned with one's partner, especially if it were a volleyball partner. Above all, volleyball had to come first. It always did and always would, of that there was little question. It was the same for Hinata after all, loving volleyball more than anything; that was the only reason they managed to get along.

But still, as his mind drifted away from math, away from school and homework and even volleyball, he scratched absently at the imprint left from the previous page, tracing the characters beneath his thumb.

_Hinata Shouyou._

So what if his thoughts had shifted away from Hinata's jump and form, and more towards Hinata himself? Something about the way Hinata would always call his name, wanting his approval or his company. Something about the way Hinata smiled at him, after a particularly good serve or when he was saying goodnight. Something about the way Hinata just _was. _

Sunshine in the winter.

"_I'm here!_" He had said, during that 3-on-3 match that would determine their futures. And just like that, Kageyama's entire past disappeared. Just like that, he could breathe again. It wasn't just that he had been forgiven for his mistakes. More like...now he could be himself. Hinata believed in him, relied on him...

"Tsk."

He abandoned his desk, stomping to his bed and rolling himself in the covers instead. Forget homework. Bundling himself up into a caterpillar, he was silent a few seconds before he groaned.

Honestly, what was wrong with him? Volleyball was the priority! Why was Hinata stalking his every thought like this? His heart was out of control, aching one moment and thumping the next. He didn't want to think about it.

He couldn't.

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**haikyuu has taken over...go on without me...**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hinata POV. ;d**

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Kageyama was acting really strange.

This wasn't the first time Hinata thought this, nor would it be the last apparently. He picked himself up, ignoring the worried comments from his teammates. He had fallen on his face for the fifth time today, but that wasn't unusual or even worrisome. What was bothering him was _why_ he had fallen.

The tosses weren't coming to him.

At first he hadn't been sure—after all, Kageyama had been adamant about tossing in order to win—but now Hinata was sure.

He was being avoided.

"Hinata? Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself?"

He shook his head, still staring across the court at his so-called partner. Kageyama had promised he'd be back to normal. He had said so himself. So what the heck was going on?

Well darned if he wasn't going to find out.

"Hey, Hinata—!"

The calls fell on deaf ears. He was marching across the court, his expression fixed into a decidedly _un-Hinata-like_ one. Kageyama saw him coming, and when Hinata saw his face change and his eyes dart about for an escape, he pounced.

"Baka-yama!" He punched Kageyama in the side, relishing the oomph. The ball in Kageyama's hands went bouncing away. Neither made a move to pick it up. "What's wrong with you?"

Kageyama clutched his side. "Hah?!" Kageyama shoved him. He seemed angry now too, but Hinata refused to back down. He wanted to spike! And for that, no matter how much he might hate it, he needed Kageyama. That whole spiel about Hinata being the greatest decoy. About Kageyama promising he would help him fly. And for what? For Kageyama to forget it the instant he got tired?

Hinata hopped up, fists flying now as he tried to reach the taller boy. But Kageyama had his hand on Hinata's head and try as he might, his arms just weren't long enough. "Why—aren't—you—tossing—to—me?" He kept trying to punch, frustration making his voice catch in his throat. He felt close to tears and he grit his teeth to keep them from falling. "Stupid Kageyama—you told me you'd send me tosses!"

Kageyama gave him another shove, and this time Hinata didn't bounce back. They stood a few feet apart, sweaty and breathing hard. He swiped at his eyes with his sleeve, clutching the hem of his shirt. "Y-you said you'd toss to me! I want to hit your tosses!"

He couldn't seem to meet Kageyama's eyes; he had the feeling that if he did, the tears would really start falling. How lame would it be if they found out he cried when he was angry? But the moments ticked by and Kageyama still didn't respond.

Hinata grit his teeth, furious for reasons he didn't even understand himself. He had so many things he wanted to say, but none of them seemed to fit. He hated this moody, miserable Kageyama. He hated the feeling of emptiness when he swung but there was no ball to hit. He hated the way Kageyama refused to meet his eye. He wanted to spike those perfect tosses. To feel his palm stinging and his legs aching as he tried to reach higher and higher. To celebrate the way they always did. He wanted his partner back. But he couldn't find the right words that would express his anger and frustration.

"You're—s-s-so stupid!" He finally managed, and by then Tanaka and Nishinoya and Sugawara-sempai had caught up and were trying to pull them apart. Not that Kageyama needed restraining, Hinata was the only one fighting the hands that sought to keep him down.

"Get off!" He shouted, and Tanaka actually released him. The shock of his own voice, so angry and unlike him made everyone pause for just a second. Then Suga-sempai was telling him to calm down and asking what was wrong. Sawamura-sempai had told him to cool off outside until he was ready to come back and play.

He threw another baleful look at Kageyama before he actually went. His hands were shaking he was so unbelievably angry. The gym door closed behind him and finally he let out the exasperated, unintelligible noise he had been holding back the whole time. He picked up a stone and whipped it at the tree, missing completely but managing to incite a handful of crows perched among the branches. They cawed angrily at him and he cawed right back, letting that take the place of all the things he found himself unable to say.

The frustration was welling up in him again. He had known that he couldn't play volleyball by himself, but suddenly losing Kageyama made it all the more obvious. He was helpless by himself. He could jump, he could run, everyone said he had the physical ability. But he lacked the technique, the skill, the actual ability that made him something to fear on the court. That was all Kageyama.

The next thing he knew, he was waking up to Suga-sempai crouching in front of him, his expression worried. "Hinata, what are you doing here? It's cold! You're not even wearing a jacket!"

"It's okay, Mom," he mumbled, not even listening to what Suga was saying. He rubbed at an eye and accepted whoever's hand was proffered. As he rose to his feet, his legs wobbled, stiff from staying in one position for too long. Stretching his joints made him whimper, and in the end, he was nearly bodily carried into the warmth of the gym.

"Someone get Hinata's jacket! He fell asleep outside."

"Wasn't that like thirty minutes ago?"

"What an idiot."

Hinata glared at Tsukishima, but immediately smiled when Yachi handed him his black sports jacket. He pulled it on gratefully and hugged himself, rubbing his arms to try and generate some body heat. At Sugawara's request, he remained seated on the side, sipping from a cup of hot water Shimizu-sempai got for him. The others kept playing, their shoes squeaking on the linoleum floor.

Tanaka made the gym echo with a shout of glee as he spiked hard enough to get through even Noya-sempai's defense. Hinata lowered his head, wiping his nose on his sleeve. So Kageyama could toss like that to Tanaka-sempai, huh? He sniffed, his nose running. His anger from earlier had dissipated; but watching Kageyama flush with pleasure after a successful hit made him feel all empty inside. So he could smile like that too.

Perhaps he was staring, because Kageyama glanced at him and the smile abruptly dropped off his face. Hinata looked away, dropping his head into his arms to hide the hurt. All of a sudden he felt ready to cry and it had nothing to do with the cold. He got to his feet, leaving his cup of warm water leaving the gym.

Apparently he wasn't ready. He wasn't sure when he would be. What fun was volleyball if Kageyama wasn't there to play with him?

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**Reviews pls.**


	5. Chapter 5

He watched Hinata go and his stomach twisted. Had it just been his imagination or had Hinata been crying? His stomach twisted again, moving up to his heart.

"Ah—watch out!"

He didn't even see it coming. The next thing he knew he was sitting up to a crowd around him, all worried about his wellbeing.

"K-k-kageyama! I'm so sorry! I got carried away and hit you in the face." Asahi looked close to tears. Kageyama wondered if that's what Hinata looked like when he cried.

Tanaka-san was in tears, reenacting the whole thing with Nishinoya. "Asahi's on a roll today."

"I'm okay," he mumbled, just touching his cheek with his hand. It wasn't swelling up, but it felt raw. He could only imagine how red it was. Right now it was just numb, the pain would probably come later. He picked himself up, ignoring Asahi-sempai's continued apologies. "I wasn't paying attention."

"Kageyama not paying attention?" Tanaka wiped a tear of laughter away. "Something must really be wrong."

"Kageyama, you should sit out for a bit."

At that, he shook his head firmly. "I want to play."

"Are you sure? That looked pretty painful." Sawamura seemed unconvinced, but Kageyama nodded all the harder.

"I want to play," he repeated and was relieved to see the captain finally acquiesce. He hurried back to position, eager to focus on volleyball—and only volleyball. He had no time for crying orange-haired shorties. The captain gave the order for practice to resume and Kageyama took his place at the net, right where he belonged.

He took a breath, forcing himself to concentrate. He watched Ennoshita serve, tracked the ball as it arched over the net. Daichi picked it up easily, delivering it right to Kageyama's waiting hands. Tsukiyama and Yamaguchi were at the other side of the net, wearing different color jerseys. They could jump, they would jump. He met Tsukiyama's eyes, saw the boy reading his every move. He flicked his eyes towards Tanaka and felt the blockers on the other side shift. That was his chance.

_Speed. Direction. Rotation. _

He did not even need to look at the ball to know where it would be. Except—

There was no Hinata.

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"Otsukare!" He bowed to the sempai as they waved goodbye, parting right in front of the Ukai mart as they always did. He waited until they were gone this time, until they had turned the corner and he could no longer hear their laughing voices.

The warmth from the bag of meat buns in his hand seeped into his fingers. He had gotten too much out of habit. He wasn't even hungry today, but he dug into the bag anyway, taking a big bite. He chewed methodically, but for some reason it the usual deliciousness was gone. Still he forced himself to swallow past the lump in his throat and take another bite. And another. And another, until it was all gone and he felt sick. With the sempai gone, without Tsukishima's derisive comments or Nishinoya's unending energy, without Suga's quiet admonishments, his thoughts unfailingly, inevitably, went back to Hinata.

That apparently, was the new norm. It was a nightmare. He could hardly even concentrate on volleyball, which in his entire life, he couldn't think of another time that had ever been the case. Hinata this, Hinata that. He just wanted peace. He wanted to deal with those feelings and put them to rest. He had tried his best, tried to isolate how Hinata sparkled from the boy on the court, but that had failed miserably. Hinata was synonymous with volleyball at this point...perhaps that was the problem.

Maybe do a sincere confession like those girls did and receive a solid rejection. But even that was denied him. They were both boys for one, and two…Kageyama just couldn't do that to him. Hinata meant too much to him for that.

But that didn't make it any easier.

When he thought he saw said boy, sitting against a wall in front of him, Kageyama automatically assumed it was just a figment of his imagination. But as he got closer, he recognized that tuft of orange hair, poking out from underneath a sweater's wide hood.

"Oi, moron."

There was no reply. Kageyama got closer, squatting down to the boy's height to peer under the hood. He was asleep. "Oi!" This time Kageyama gave him a kick and Hinata yelped as he shot to his feet.

"Don't hurt me—!" He shouted, holding his hands up.

"What are you doing sleeping here at night? Do you want to die?"

"Oh, Kageyama!" He breathed a sigh of relief. "I don't-! I was waiting here for you!"

Kageyama lifted his hand, ready to smack some sense into him. But Hinata's eyes were puffy and he had the imprint of his sleeves on his face. Kageyama caught himself, gripping his hand into a fist and letting it drop back to his side. "What?"

"I wanted to talk to you." Hinata was watching him and Kageyama couldn't help but frown. That meant too much.

He took a step around the other, his stomach heavy. "I don't want to talk."

"Well I do!" A hand lashed out to grab his wrist, and Kageyama turned, anger in his eyes. Hinata didn't back down. "Kageyama! Why do you have to be like this?"

He shook off Hinata's hand and it fell away without complaint. He knew the words were the wrong thing to say, but he said it anyway, "Be like what?"

Hinata gaped at him, and Kageyama had trouble keeping his face set. If he had thought getting over Hinata would be easy, feigning apathy was even harder. He could feel his resolve slipping away as he watched Hinata, watched him come to the very brink of tears.

The door to the shop rattled open and Coach Ukai shoved his head out. "Get out of here, stupid kids! Stop making a racket!" The door slammed shut again before either could reply, not that either looked as if they had been about to apologize.

"Fine." Kageyama heard himself say. "We can talk. Not here, let's go somewhere else." He turned, walking down the street, not waiting for Hinata to keep up, but somehow relieved to hear footsteps after a pause. He led the way, hands in his pockets to keep from touching Hinata.

They reached a park after only a minute's walk and Kageyama found a bench half-illuminated by a dim streetlight. He took a seat and after Hinata didn't make an obvious move to follow suit, patted the bench beside him firmly. He sat, a full meter between them. A flash of annoyance crossed his face, but Hinata didn't see it, looking at the ground between his toes instead.

After a minute of silence, Kageyama grew impatient.

"Oi."

Hinata jumped.

"I thought you had something you wanted to talk to me about."

"I-I do!"

"Well then? What are you waiting for? An invitation?"

He pressed his fingers together, meekly. "Kind of?"

Kageyama groaned, rubbing his hands through his hair in frustration. If this was payback for not passing to him during practice, then consider it paid in full. But he bit his tongue, pressing it against his cheek to resist the urge to snap. Another full minute passed, made longer by the absolute silence around them. Finally, Kageyama sighed loudly and grabbed the crumpled bag of meat buns. "Here." He leaned over to drop it in Hinata's lap. "I got too much."

Whether or not that was the so called invitation Hinata was waiting for, Kageyama didn't know. But Hinata flashed him a smile and for a moment Kageyama thought everything was alright.

He kept his head firmly away from Hinata as he ate, trying hard not to stare. Because of course, that was all he was good at these days. He couldn't even focus on the court, not with the way Hinata was: all storm and wind and weather. And that, in the end, was why he couldn't even toss to him—because he got distracted by the flash of skin as Hinata jumped, and by the way he flew.

"Kageyama?" He spoke with mouth full and Kageyama could feel eyes on him. He didn't meet those eyes, concentrating on a leaf on the ground instead.

"Hmm?"

"Do you hate me?"

Now Kageyama looked, a frown already marring his features. "Hate you? What makes you think that?" 'Stupid Hinata' nearly followed that question; he bit it back just in time.

"Well," Hinata swallowed and sucked a piece from his thumb, "You always seem so angry around me. You avoid me all the time. You don't toss to me anym—"

"Okay, I get the point."

"I'm just saying, if you hate me or something then say so. I don't want to force you to do anything you hate." He started on a second nikuman, peeling back the waxy paper on the bottom before chewing. This one he ate slowly, nibbling at it. "You even stopped smiling when you looked at me today…" He trailed off, and then abruptly laughed. He bounded to his feet, keeping his eyes low. "What am I saying, of course you don't like me. It's so obvious." He laughed, and even Kageyama could tell that was forced. "I'm sorry, I don't know why I made you come here. Just ignore this, I'm gonna go home." His voice broke and he caught himself, the corners of his lips slipping downwards even as he tried his best to smile. He paused, dithering on the line between saying something and holding his tongue. Then, he exhaled softly. "Sorry, Kageyama, I—sorry. See ya tomorrow." He turned away.

And Kageyama stood, catching Hinata's hood and pulling him back, making him hop just to keep his balance.

He dropped the hood the instant he realized what he was doing and for a moment he stared at his hand.

"Kageyama?" He looked up, only to find Hinata staring at him, one hand holding the hood of his sweater in place.

"I—" he struggled for an answer where there was none. He hadn't meant to do it. All he knew was he had seen Hinata close to tears and something made him move.

Hinata took a step closer and Kageyama couldn't move, suddenly transfixed by those eyes. "Kageyama?" Hinata asked, but it didn't sound like a question. It was a whisper of a thought that pinned him in place. Hinata took another step closer and Kageyama tried to tear his eyes away, but it was like watching a train wreck in slow motion.

"I don't—" he tried to find his voice, but all he got was this strangly one, thin and weak and not like his at all. Hinata watched him patiently, eyes wide. Kageyama cursed, and that seemed to bring him back to his senses a little bit. He gave Hinata a push on the shoulder, stopping him from coming any closer. "I don't hate you."

"Then why are you avoiding me?

God, that fucking pout. It did things to him. He cleared his voice, not liking the turn this had taken. The truth was hammering hard against his teeth, forcing its way out. "I don't—hate you," he managed, and when he said it, it was as if he were biting it off and spitting it. The words were the same, and yet different. He couldn't even bear to meet Hinata's eyes, not when the words he had kept bottled up so long had finally been given some air.

"Umm..." he took some time to ponder this.

And then, in a matter of fact voice, Hinata said, "I don't hate you either," but Kageyama's heart did not hammer any harder. Because the look in Hinata's eyes was anything but love. He said it so simply it had to have been anything but love. Hinata smiled, but it was not love. It was not the same.

His stomach twisted and he knew he had made a mistake.

"Okay, well good." Not good, his heart said.

"Not good," Hinata said.

"What else do you want?"

"I want to play volleyball with you." Hinata reached out and grabbed Kageyama's arms, giving him a shake. "I want to play like we used to."

"…Can't."

"Why?" He growled in frustration, punching Kageyama on the arm. Instinctively, Hinata took a step back, expecting retribution, but nothing came.

"Because," Kageyama frowned. Why did everything have to be so hard?

"Because…?"

"Because I…don't hate you."

"Stupid!" Hinata punched him a second time. Then a third, and a fourth. "You're so stupid, Kageyama! You don't get it! I—I need—you need to be there! Stop being so—" he gave a grunt of frustration "—so stupid!"

His lip quirked up in a bitter smile. If he was an idiot, then why bother caring? Hinata couldn't even take a hint, but who was the one Kageyama had fallen for, again?

Yeah, that's what he thought.

Kageyama grabbed Hinata's collar and the boy shut up for just a second, eyes wide in surprise. He leaned in close, their faces only centimeters apart. "I don't hate you, stupid Hinata," he murmured, and gave him a kiss.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hinata's point of view. sorry not sorry for the random switching. **

**Natsu is Hinata's little sister, ofc. she's maybe 7? idrc.**

**_Kotatsu_ are tables with heaters affixed underneath. you put a blanket so that the heat gets trapped under and so when you sit it's all toasty and magical. it is absolutely as great as it sounds.**

* * *

"Nii-chan, wake up! There's a snow storm coming!" Natsu shook him, small hands jabbing him in the butt and the ribs and the stomach. Anything she could reach really, before her head popped up from under the kotatsu cover, right beside him.

"I'm up, I'm up." He wriggled his way out and sat up, eyes unfocused. Had Sundays always been so boring? Snow storms, she had said. He glanced out the living room glass doors, watching snow swirl down gently. Didn't look like a storm.

"Nii-chan!" she shrieked with laughter. "You have bedhair!"

If Natsu actually noticed something wrong with his usual wild do, it was definitely bad. But Hinata didn't retort, only halfheartedly patting down the tufts that stuck up above his ear.

See, the kiss had happened a week ago, which meant of course, that Hinata hadn't seen Kageyama since. It wasn't that he was _avoiding_ Kageyama persay, but...well...he was avoiding Kageyama. He sighed, finger nails picking at a scab on his knee. Avoiding him had been intentional and he was certain the volleyball team had noticed, but that didn't make it any easier to meet Kageyama's eye in school or on the court. And this, in the end, was just worse. Hinata couldn't even play. Every time he jumped he thought of Kageyama, and thinking of Kageyama meant thinking of warm kisses and cold hands.

He covered his mouth with his hands, burrowing his head in his knees. It had been shocking at first, then somewhere along the way, he ended up being unable to think of anything else. And he knew he was supposed to feel disgust, but for some reason...he hadn't hated it?

Natsu crawled over his legs, pulling on the rubberbands on her wrist. She situated herself at his elbow, stubby legs folded beneath her. "Let me make your hair pretty, Nii-chan," and he let her, her tiny fingers combing his short hair into a puffy tuft that she tied loosely, her tongue sticking out of the corner of her mouth as she worked.

They both glanced up when their mother entered the room, bearing with her a tray of steaming cups. "Hot chocolate," she announced, setting the tray on the kotatsu table. Hinata crawled to the table, leaning against the couch. "Nacchan, just what are you doing to Shou-chan's hair?"

"Making it pretty," she declared, and snuggled up beside him, serving them both a mug.

Hinata accepted it, cradling it to his chest and blowing on it softly, making the foam on top swirl. His mother curled herself under the warmth of the kotatsu as well, adding her cold feet to the mix. When her son didn't jump and throw a fit, she knew something was wrong. She took a sip before she spoke, eyes narrowed at him over the top of her mug. "Shou-chan."

"Hmm?" He glanced up, his fingers tingling from the warmth of the cocoa.

"Let me ask you something."

He tilted his head, "Hmm? O-kay?"

"Who's the girl?"

He yelped in surprise, spilling hot cocoa on himself. Had his thoughts been that obvious? Had _he_ been that obvious? Natsu ran to get napkins and during that time, Hinata tried to calm his hammering heart. He couldn't speak until Natsu returned, a wad of crumpled paper towels in her hand. He took them gratefully, mopping up most of the mess and wincing at the raw spot on his stomach. "What do you mean?"

"I know that look," his mother grinned slyly. "You've got the look of love and you've had it all week. So tell me. Who's the lucky girl that got my Shou-chan's heart?"

"Our Shou-chan," Natsu corrected solemnly, and his mother agreeably nodded.

"Ummm," Hinata stalled for time. He rubbed the back of his head, accidentally getting his fingers tangled in Natsu's pigtails and undoing them. He combed his fingers through his hair, running the bands around his fingers contemplatively. There were a lot of potential answers. He could lie, which under the circumstances, might be the best choice. But then, nothing was coming to mind simply because there were too many details he'd have to make up on the spot.

For one, there was no girl. This, oddly enough, was not as huge a hang-up as Hinata would have originally thought. Sure, he had always admired girls (from afar), but it wasn't as if he was serious about any of them. They were just pretty, like Shimizu-senpai. Pretty. And to be admired (from afar). That isn't to say boys was an obvious choice though either. More accurately…he just didn't care. Volleyball had taken up all of his thoughts and energy and time and…well that was about it.

Two, it was Kageyama.

_Kageyama. _

Kageyama, who had ruined Hinata's volleyball dreams, one year ago, just as soon as they began. That defeat still stung—the game had only lasted thirty minutes. But then, this was also Kageyama, the one who made all of Hinata's volleyball dreams come true. Not the big one, not the one where Hinata stood at the top of the world, but all the rest. Being able to play, to spike, to win with a whole team at his back. That was all Kageyama; Hinata wasn't selfish enough to convince himself otherwise.

Kageyama, who was all at once Hinata's strongest rival and greatest ally. Kageyama, who sacrificed all of his pride to make Hinata the best. Kageyama...who had kissed him on Monday and who had been monopolizing his thoughts ever since.

"Kageyama?" His mother's voice shook him from his thoughts. "Her name is Kageyama?"

Hinata nearly smacked himself. Had he really said it out loud? "Uh, yeah. Kageyama." He wondered what kind of girl his mother was imagining, cause in his mind's eye, all he saw was a tall, grumpy setter physically abusing him after he missed a spike.

Tall, grumpy Kageyama, who, just a week ago, had kissed him…

"Is she a first year?"

"Uh huh."

"Pretty?" This was from Natsu, who seemed very interested to know.

_Pretty? _Hinata scraped the bottom of the barrel for an answer. "Well she's…tall. And strong."

"Strong?" The girls exchanged dubious glances.

Hinata nodded, "Really strong. Scary strong."

"Scary," she echoed, mystified.

"They called her the Ki—Queen of the Court in middle school."

"Oh, I didn't know girls were on your team."

"No no. She plays on the girl's team," he said quickly, pleased with his fast thinking. He was getting into it now and he set his mug on the table. "But she's super famous for being bad-tempered."

His mother was at a loss, but Hinata didn't even notice.

He continued, "But she's like a genius. Sometimes it's really annoying how good she is. She's like good at receiving and serving and then she's so tall. She even beats me up sometimes!"

"Shou-chan...you sound like you hate them."

He thought about that for a second, speaking slowly, "Thanks to her I can play volleyball for the first time. I wouldn't have known how fun it is." He shook his head. "I don't hate him—" He stopped short, mouth forming a little 'o'.

"_I don't hate you, stupid Hinata," Kageyama had whispered. And then he had come closer and all Hinata could see were these dark, glowing eyes and warm breath on his skin, and then there were soft lips against his—_

"Nii-chan?" Natsu was peering up at him, confusion wrinkling her brow.

Hinata touched his lips with his fingers, eyes staring at something far in the distance. "Mom, I gotta go for a bit." He hopped up, nearly upsetting the table with his knee.

"Shou-chan, where are you going? There's a snow storm coming!"

He threw it over his shoulder, tripping over the heater in the corner. "I gotta go see someone! It's really important. I'll be home soon!" He pounded down the hall to his room, stripping off his pajamas and throwing them on the bed. He had to hop to get his pants on, rolling on the ground as he put on socks, jammed a beanie on his head, and wrapping a scarf around his neck. Then he had to backtrack, tearing off the last two items and his sleep t-shirt in place of clothes that were actually decent to wear outside of the house.

He stormed back down the hall, zipping up his jacket and slipping his arms through the fleecy vest. "Bye Mom! Bye Nacchan!" He pulled his hoodie on tight and skipped out of the house, grabbing his bike as he went and swinging aboard as he went sailing down the street.

* * *

He pressed the doorbell with plenty of force, listening to it ring throughout the house. His cheeks still stung from the cold and he stamped his feet to keep the blood pumping.

"Kageyama—!" He knocked on the door for good measure, bending to peer through the frosted windows on either side.

Shadows moved beyond the frosted glass and Hinata straightened just as the door swung open. Kageyama stood in the doorway, dressed in long pants and a sweater. Hinata saw shock pass through his eyes, before it settled into his typical aloof look.

Snow swirled into the house around Kageyama's feet. Hinata shuffled around to block it. "Lots of snow, huh?"

"There's a snow storm coming," Kageyama replied, matter-of-fact.

"Oh, that's right, isn't it?" He fidgeted, suddenly flustered under Kageyama's gaze.

Kageyama looked beyond him. "You rode your bike here?"

Hinata nodded, following his gaze to the rickety old thing leaning against the wall. Already snow was piling up around it.

A moment of awkward silence took the place of the conversation, until suddenly a voice echoed from behind Kageyama. "Tobio, who's that?" A woman appeared at Kageyama's shoulder and Hinata quailed. Two Kageyamas. For some reason he had imagined Kageyama had no parents and lived in absolute loneliness. "Oh my goodness! A friend? What are you doing? Let him in!"

Hinata made weak protests as he was herded inside; not by any attempt from Kageyama himself. His mother though, wouldn't take no for an answer. She took his snowy jacket, hanging it up on the wall beside the door, and guided them through the house to the living room. By the time he got there, Hinata's protests had completely dried up, as had his earlier nervousness. "Kageyama…are you rich?" he whispered to the boy beside him.

Kageyama gave him a look. Hinata's nervousness returned.

His mother gestured for them to follow and Hinata did obediently, only to find himself in a homey and comfortable dining room. She took her place beside her husband, looking back up at Hinata with eyes that looked a lot like Kageyama's. Hinata gulped; three Kageyamas. Kageyama's father was a lot smaller than Hinata had expected-any father of Kageyama had to have been a real monster-but he still had a peppery beard and when he glanced up at their guest, Hinata felt himself stiffen up. A nice meal had been set up on the table and Hinata instantly felt bad. "I'm sorry," he squeaked, his voice coming out a few octaves higher than normal, "I didn't mean to interrupt your dinner!"

"Oh nonsense. Come, sit and eat with us. There's more than enough. Tobio—" she gave her son a reprimanding look, "—introduce your friend."

"Hinata. From school." Kageyama made no move to sit, so neither did Hinata. "Mom, we're going to go up to my room."

"Don't you want to eat? There's more than enough for Hinata-kun."

"Later." He turned and without giving Hinata any sign, strode back out of the dining room, down the hall, up a flight of stairs. Hinata suddenly wished he were back at home with his warm mug of hot chocolate. Anything was better than this cold, quiet Kageyama. But still, he followed wordlessly, giving Kageyama's parents a few apologetic bows as they left the room, and then murmuring a soft '_ojamashimasu'_ as he entered the inner sanctity of Kageyama's bedroom.

Whatever he had expected—a room packed to the brim with volleyball things, a room like his really—this wasn't it. Kageyama's room was spacious and clean. A bed pushed up against the corner, a ball resting on a neatly-made bed. Everything was color coordinated too, in varying shades of a calming blue. Hinata stood in the center of the room, not sure what to do with himself.

Meanwhile, Kageyama went to his bed and sat, picking up the ball and spinning it in his hands.

For a moment, both were silent.

Then, "So?"

Hinata jumped. "Huh?"

"What are you here for?"

"Ummmmmmm…" The reason had flown right out of his head. He looked at Kageyama hopelessly, but all he got was a cold stare with dark, blue eyes.

Eyes.

Kiss.

_I don't hate you, stupid Hinata._

Ah yes. That.

He could recall how eager he had been to tell Kageyama, but now, standing here in front of the boy, the feeling felt so distant it might as well have never existed. "Well," he began, then trailed off. "Well," he began again, and found a wiggling trail to pursue, "my mom asked about you."

That got Kageyama's attention. For a moment, the ball had stopped rotating. Then it was back in motion, spinning in his slender fingers. "You told her about me?"

"Yeah, she asked."

"You said that already, moron."

"Oh right." He faltered and silence reigned for the third time, this one worse than the previous two combined. This one, Hinata didn't know how to break. He fidgeted, playing with the hem of his hoodie. He wanted to sit, if only so he didn't have to put so much thought into keeping his legs from buckling. But the only seat was across the room, at Kageyama's pristine desk—if he weren't so nervous he might have laughed and made a joke about how it probably never got used—or right next to Kageyama, on the bed.

"Hinata." His name seemed like a gunshot.

"Y-yes!"

"Do you want to sit?" His eyes flickered to the space on the bed beside him.

"Ah, yes!" Hinata bowed as he sat, keeping a reasonable distance between them. Did Kageyama notice? Hinata held his breath and with a little "Hah!", stole the ball from Kageyama's hands.

He saw Kageyama's expression flash, and for a moment he cowered with the ball as a shield, but then the look of anger passed and Hinata thought—maybe deluded himself into thinking—that he saw something soften in Kageyama's eyes.

Silence, again. But this time, not as long. Kageyama cleared his throat and when he spoke it was softer. "What did you come here to say?"

It was so soft, and so unlike Kageyama, that for a moment, Hinata's anxieties disappeared. He leaned in closer. "Kageyama, are you okay?" His eyes widened at the boy's reaction. "Your ears are turning red," he whispered, pointing.

"Shut up!" Kageyama lashed out, but it was halfhearted and Hinata hardly even noticed, too distracted—attracted—by the blush spreading down Kageyama's neck. "Stop staring."

"I'm not," Hinata muttered, but he was. With great difficulty he looked away, hugging the ball to his stomach and staring at his toes instead. His heart was thumping hard and just breathing seemed particularly difficult. By the time he got that back under control, he glanced up at Kageyama and realized with slight disappointment that Kageyama had managed the same. The blush was mostly gone, save for a slight redness at the tips of his ears that started to spread when their eyes met.

Hinata was staring again, but this time he didn't think he could stop. "Kageyama," he started, the words coming to his lips without prompting. "I want another kiss."

* * *

**HINATA IS LEWWWWWWWWWWWD. **

**ok pls leave reviews. ;d**


	7. Chapter 7

so the thing we've all wanted to happen finally happens. thank me later.

also man, i've been really into just writing angsty kageyama but i realized at some point this fic will have to end. what a concept. i'd be content to leave kageyama and hinata as first years forever though...that would be pretty cool.

* * *

Hinata noticed a lot for being a loud and clumsy idiot. He noticed the tick in Kageyama's fingers, wondered whether it was nervousness or something else. He noticed the way Kageyama's blush started at his ears and spread from there, until it touched his nose. He noticed the way Kageyama's eyes never wavered and the way they went from black to blue, shot through with sharp lines of silver, framed by surprisingly long lashes.

Kageyama noticed a lot for being single-minded and socially inept. He had noticed the red in Hinata's cheeks when the boy first appeared, standing in the doorway. He had noticed the warm, cinnamon-y smell clinging to the boy's skin as he followed them to the kitchen. He had noticed the cowlicks in Hinata's hair, sticking up above his right ear.

Now, he noticed the crystalized snow melting in Hinata's hair, falling onto his shoulders and dissolving into his jacket. He noticed the hummingbird of a heartbeat pulsing at Hinata's throat.

Now, he noticed the way Hinata's lips parted slightly, soft and smooth.

"Another kiss?" He echoed, brows drawing together.

"One more!" Hinata knew his expression was weird, and he could feel the flames in his cheeks, but he refused to break his gaze away. The instant he said had it, he knew it was true: he wanted another kiss, one that he was prepared for.

Hinata was wearing the exact same face he had when he was asking for another toss. Kageyama would have laughed, it not for the fact that Hinata was _not_ asking for a toss. A kiss was something entirely else. It wasn't as if he didn't want to kiss Hinata again—he could hardly stop himself from staring at those lips—but it was…it was…situational.

Situational. As in he didn't want to give a kiss to a guy who liked the novelty of it.

He glared, pushing Hinata away and standing up.

"Kageyama—!"

"No." He broke their gaze. "I don't want to."

"W-why? You were the one who did it to me fir—"

"Shut up." Hinata shut up. The silence was loud, and Kageyama immediately felt guilt wash through him. But it took him a moment before he could speak, before he could swallow his embarrassment enough to explain. "I didn't—I didn't k-k-kiss you for fun," he managed and found himself almost breathing hard from the effort. Apologies never came easy to him. "It's not…not a joke."

Hinata stared at him as if he were stupid. "I know it's not a joke."

"Then drop it."

Hinata pouted and his stomach flipped. "No, I don't want to," he mimicked, and Kageyama felt something snap. He turned, lashing out at the stupid ball Hinata was playing with in his hands. He felt like a fool, stuck with this boy running around in his head, stepping on the emotions that had so stubbornly persisted for weeks, months.

The ball hit his bookshelf hard, but he didn't even notice. "So what? So what if you don't want to?" His heart was squeezing in his chest, so tightly he could hardly breathe, much less speak. "We don't always get what we want."

"Not if you don't try to get it."

"What would you know about that?" Kageyama asked angrily, and then immediately realized who he was asking. Images popped into his head. Of Hinata trembling with exhaustion, hardly able to even stand up straight much less jump, but he always kept going.

Perhaps both of them realized it, because neither spoke, not immediately. But Hinata stood up and walked across the room, scooping up the volleyball and cradling it to his chest again. He came back to the bed and Kageyama, after a moment, sat too. His anger had dissipated; all he felt was empty and sad. Hinata curled his legs beneath him, not looking up as he spoke. "Kageyama, I like a lot of things."

Kageyama made no reply.

Hinata continued as if he had. "I like rice with egg on top. I like my sister. I like sleepovers and hot springs and video games. I also like—no, I _love_ volleyball." These were the easy ones. They came to mind immediately and filled him with a fuzzy contentment. But there were other ones too. Ones that were more than just feelings of satisfaction.

Hinata was watching him, his expression intent and unreadable. And when Kageyama glanced up, wondering where this was going, he found himself unable to look away. "O-okay," he gave in.

Hinata nodded, as if that's what he was waiting for. "But you know after Monday…I was thinking a lot and…" He smiled faintly, and Kageyama, hating his traitorous heart, felt it give another squeeze. There was a pause and Hinata's face grew pink again. His heart was pounding too, but it wasn't a bad feeling. "I also…like you. I think."

"Oh."

"Oh?"

"What else do you want me to say?" Kageyama wasn't even frowning. There was nothing in his expression and Hinata just didn't understand.

"More than '_oh'_," he used the voice reserved specifically for mimicking Kageyama, flat and angry and rude.

Kageyama didn't have the energy to argue. "I got it, I got it. I'm rice with egg on top." He stood up, not wanting to spend a second longer in this moment.

Hinata gasped. "No!" He reached out before he knew what he was doing, grabbing Kageyama's hand and giving him a pull hard enough to make him fall back onto the bed.

They both shouted, Kageyama toppling into Hinata as the ball bounced away for the second time. They rolled onto the bed, a tangle of limbs. Hinata popped up, coming out on top. He was straddling Kageyama, and for a moment he was just deeply confused as to how they got there. Kageyama's look of pure anger was enough to bring him back down to earth. But then...simultaneously, he realized the perks of the situation.

"Get off me!"

Hinata weathered the most of Kageyama's hits, until he could handle it no longer. He caught one of Kageyama's flailing limbs, clutching it to his chest. And then, before Kageyama could even hope to get free, he swooped down and kissed him hard.

The kiss was clumsy. Kageyama's lips were rough, scraping against his own. It hurt a little; his nose got in the way, and he was certain that Kageyama was not supposed to be this stiff, but still, his blood rushed in his ears and his stomach felt fluttery light and when he pulled back, he knew—he just _knew_—that he had been right about this too.

"What did you do that for?"

"S-stup…because I like you." He muttered sheepishly, and Kageyama's eyes were round and so blue it made Hinata's head swim.

"Oh." This time, Kageyama thought he got the message.

Hinata's heart was pounding hard and he knew Kageyama could feel it, his hand still pressed against his chest. That was good too. Hinata bit his lip, "Or should I say, I don't hate you either."

That made Kageyama blush, a full flush that started at his ears again and disappeared down the collar of his sweater. "That's not what I meant—"

Hinata curled, pressing his cheek to Kageyama's chest. Half to hear Kageyama's own heartbeat, half because he was grinning like a fool and didn't want him to see. "That's exactly what you meant."

No reply meant acquiescence.

"You should have said it straight out, Bakayama."

The arm between them forced him back up. Kageyama was glaring at him, eyes narrowed. "Don't call me that." Hinata averted his eyes slyly, waiting for more. Kageyama huffed, struggling to get hair out of his eyes. "You don't understand anything."

"What don't I understand?"

"When I said that, I didn't want to tell you yet."

"But then you kissed me." Hinata seemed particularly proud of this point. Kageyama felt his face grow warm.

"Because you don't get the message."

"I got it, didn't I?"

"But then you asked for a—a k-kiss and it's not the same—"

Hinata gave him a jab in the side. "You're the one who kissed me and then ran away!"

"_You_ ran away! And then you avoided me all week! And then you suddenly come here and ask for another?"

Hinata was silent, knowing it was true. He let go of Kageyama's hand, picking at his finger nails sheepishly. "I just…had stuff to think about."

"Like what?"

"Like you kissing me!"

"And?" It was hard to breathe with Hinata sitting on his stomach, but he tried to keep the breathlessness out of his voice just to stay that way a little longer.

Hinata squirmed under Kageyama's gaze, not helping the situation. "And I guess I liked it."

"You guess?"

Hinata glared, his cheeks dusted with pink. "Do you want me to kiss you again to prove it?"

Kageyama blinked. _Yes._ But instead, his hand snaked up Hinata's back to his neck and he pulled Hinata down into a kiss they were both expecting.

This time, their noses did not bump. Hinata's teeth didn't scrape Kageyama's lip. He felt Hinata soften against him and he felt his lips part ever so slightly. It felt good. Like breathtakingly, mind-blowingly, earth-changingly good. He didn't realize his hand had fallen from the nape of Hinata's neck until the boy was pulling away to breath, eyes hooded with an expression that made Kageyama's stomach twist.

He twisted and Hinata gave a little yelp of surprise, finding himself on his back, their positions reversed. From above, Kageyama had been cute, his every expression readable. But from below, Hinata felt his heart skip a beat. Had Kageyama always been so…so _attractive_? His eyes were dark beneath the fringe of hair, his shoulders broad, his arms strong.

"Stupid idiot."

"Y-yes?" He responded on reflex.

"Do you like me?"

Hinata pouted. "How else do I make it clear—?"

Kageyama shook his head. "Do you really…_really_ like me?" His voice cracked almost imperceptibly.

Hinata softened and felt his blush creeping back onto his cheeks. He didn't know what to do with his hands, they curled uselessly on his stomach. "Y-yeah, I do." His entire body was full of butterflies, but they were the good kind, and the thought of another kiss was not so bad.

"Really?"

"Yup."

"Are you sure?"

"Bakayama."

"You're sure about this?"

"One hundred percent."

"…Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay," Kageyama repeated, softly. Hinata couldn't resist. This time he pulled Kageyama into the kiss, hooking his legs around the taller boy's waist and wrapping his arms around his shoulders.

When they parted, there was an obscenely wet sound. Hinata licked his lips, eyes lingering on Kageyama's. At the sight, Kageyama nearly went in for another. But he was feeling breathless and heady and he doubted his wobbling arms would take another round of that.

He pulled back for both of their sakes, though not too far. Hinata was as warm as sunshine and he smelled good, cinnamon and snow and something that was all Hinata underneath, like buried spring. Kageyama buried his head in the nape of Hinata's neck, trying to calm his breathing.

Hinata let him, and after a moment's hesitation, lifted a hand to run his fingers through Kageyama's hair gently.

They stayed like that and it wasn't bad, not at all. It was very different from when his mother hugged him, or when Natsu snuggled up to him. It was warm. They could have stayed like that forever, with the snow piling up outside and everything around them coming to a stop. He couldn't imagine Kageyama ever cuddling with anyone then, and that gave him a secret sort of pleasure. Hinata was starting to think it was as good as kissing and said so.

"Everything is good," came the low voice.

Hinata laughed, twisting strands of hair between his fingers. "What's everything?"

Kageyama looked up, his eyes strangely bright. "Everything," he said solemnly, and Hinata thought that he maybe understood what Kageyama meant.

"Everything," he repeated, and thought on that. After a moment, he tapped Kageyama's head to get his attention again. "Does this mean we're…?"

Kageyama frowned in thought. "I don't know," he began slowly, and Hinata gave him a soft whack.

"Think things through!"

"I didn't think I'd get this far," he protested truthfully.

Hinata wasn't accepting that, though it did make his heart skip another beat. "Take responsibility, Bakayama." He made to give him another whack.

Instead, Kageyama pushed himself up, settling back on his knees. Hinata scrambled upright; without Kageyama's weight on him it was suddenly too vulnerable. He curled his legs under him instead, hugging himself to keep in the warmth. "Kageyama?

Kageyama didn't answer, frowning at Hinata.

Hinata frowned back, brows pinching together. "Wh-what's wrong?"

"Do you…" he trailed off.

"What?" Hinata prompted, crawling a little closer.

"Do you…" he got stuck at the same place and Hinata jabbed him. He couldn't even meet Hinata's eyes, forcing the words out. "…want to go out with me?"

At this Hinata paused and the lack of a response made Kageyama look up in apprehension. "What does 'going out' entail?"

"I'd be your boyfriend."

"Well I know that, stupid. But what does it include—like what do we do?"

"Spend time together?"

"We already do that."

"Go on dates?"

"What are dates?"

"Stupid idiot, don't you know anything? It's like going out to eat."

"Does eating nikuman count?"

"I guess so."

"Then we do that too."

"Uh…"

"Kageyama…have we already been going out?"

"No! Stupid. Now you know I like you, so that's already different, right?"

Hinata laughed sweetly, "I guess that's true. And you know I like you too, right?"

"…O-osu." Kageyama seemed embarrassed, pouting by himself. Then, in a softer voice, "Kisses…and stuff."

"Oh. _Ohhh._" Hinata turned red. He pressed his fingertips together shyly, "I think I want that. Do you?"

He nodded stiffly.

"Then I guess we're going out." The revelation filled him with delight. Suddenly he couldn't sit still and he bounded out of bed, scooping up the volleyball and throwing it at Kageyama.

Kageyama caught it with an _oof_ and then passed it back.

"Bakayama, you're making a really weird face."

Kageyama knew that was the truth. He could hardly keep from smiling. It felt like happiness was seeping right through him, making his body feel tingly light. He just shook his head, unable to put those things to words. To his relief, Hinata didn't ask, but passed the ball back with a sidelong look. All in all, it was for the best that they kept their thoughts to themselves.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door, followed by a feminine voice. "Tobio?"

Kageyama nearly dropped the ball. He shot Hinata a glance, but the boy just shook his head imperceptibly. He caught it when Kageyama sent it back, rising from the bed to open the door a crack.

"Yeah?" He tried to be cool, but all of a sudden he was thinking of Hinata's hands in his hair and legs around his.

His mother seemed not to notice. "Is Hinata-kun still here?" In reply, Kageyama opened the door wide enough for his mother to see in. "Ah, hello. Hinata-kun, would your mother be alright with you staying?"

"Staying?"

"The weather." She indicated out the window, and both boys moved over to it, gasping. The world outside had gone completely white and still snow beat on the panes. "I insist you stay. You'll never make it home alive. My husband has already brought your bike into the garage, so you won't need to worry about that. But if you call your mother and let her know where you are, I'm sure she'll be relieved to hear it."

"Ah, I will-! Thank you!" Hinata bowed, and she gave him a smile.

Just as she made to go, she turned back and added, "Dinner is on the counter whenever you're ready to eat then. We'll be in our room, Tobio. Call if you need anything."

Kageyama nodded, closing the door behind her and listening as she went down the stairs. Then, he turned back to Hinata and scratched his cheek, "Call your mom then, before the lines are down."

"Right." Hinata stuck a hand up under his sweater, fumbling around his inner pockets for his phone. He finally pulled it out, dialing a number quickly and pressing it to his ear. Kageyama tried not to eavesdrop, gesturing for the ball and then tossing it to himself, as if he were preparing to set it.

"Hey mom? Mom? Oh, Nacchan, give the phone to Mom."

"Mom? Nacchan, I said give the phone to—Oh hi, Mom."

"No no, I'm fine."

"I-I'm sorry…"

"Yep, they told me to stay over."

"Mom of course I don't have something to give them."

"I'll bring it next time, I promise."

"Uhm…" Kageyama was distinctly aware of Hinata's eyes flashing in his direction. He pretended not to notice. "Kageyama. No his mother offered."

His voice dropped a little lower. "A friend from the volleyball team. Mhmm…I'll bring him over next time."

"Oh right, school tomorrow. Maybe it'll be cancelle—" he started hopefully, then sunk. "Alright, I'll come back in the morning if there's school. "

"Yesssss, I promise."

"Mhmm, say bye to Nacchan for me. Oyasumi—" He hung up and dropped the phone in his pocket, before giving Kageyama a look.

"A friend?"

Hinata blushed, shrugging his shoulders shyly. "I-I just want to keep it my secret for a little bit."

"Hmmm. Your secret, huh?"

"Ours," Hinata corrected, and there was an earnestness in his voice that made Kageyama catch the ball and tuck it under his arm.

He thought on that for a bit, then finally nodded. "I think I want to keep it a secret too." He glanced at his boyfriend. _Boyfriend_. Then he pursed his lips and added, "For now."

* * *

They ate dinner in the dark in the living room, side by side on the couch. The TV was on, playing some comedy talk show, but Kageyama couldn't have paid attention even if he wanted to. It was hard enough just remembering to put food in his mouth and swallow, what with Hinata sitting less than a foot away from him, warm from his shower and smelling faintly like soap. Every move Hinata made, every time he laughed, every time his leg moved and brushed against Kageyama's, his heart stopped.

For some reason, it was only now that he was full of wonder. Every second that passed was a second where Kageyama wanted to reach over and touch Hinata, just to confirm with himself that he was there. That what had just happened up in his room was not a dream.

"Kageyama?"

He jumped. Hinata was looking at him, the program making the shadows on his face slip and slide. _Boyfriend._

He looked away, trying to focus on the screen. "Nothing."

"Hmmm," Hinata hummed disbelieving, but he didn't say anything. Instead, he leaned forward and placed his empty bowl on the coffee table.

He flopped back on the couch, closer this time. Kageyama ate robotically, forcing himself to watch the little caricatures and read the bubbling letters scrawled across the screen. None of it made any sense. "You were staring at me, weren't you."

He made a sound that was a cross between a snort and a grunt.

"I know you were."

Kageyama shrugged, shoveling the rest of his rice into his mouth.

"Kageyama…Do you wanna go up to your room?"

He turned, food nearly falling out of his mouth. He caught it just barely, chewing and swallowing before he spoke. "W-what?"

"I want to go back to your room." He stood, picking up his bowl and holding out his hand for Kageyama's. "Can I leave them in the sink?" There was a clatter of dishes and Hinata muttered an apology to no one for the noise, before he returned to the living room and clambered onto the couch again. In the dark, his hand found Kageyama's by fumbling around.

"Kageyama," he butted his forehead into the taller boy's shoulder. "I want to go back to your room. Can we?"

"The tv show?"

"I wasn't watching," Hinata confessed, and there was a laugh in his tone. "We can stay if you want though…but your parents are right there…"

Kageyama stood up, his lips pressed together firmly. He pressed the off button on the remote and in the dark led the way back to the stairs, Hinata's hand in his. He let go as they passed his parents room, but Hinata stayed close, bumping each other in the dark.

Kageyama shushed him quickly, beckoning to the closet at the end of the hall. He opened it, pulling out a mattress. Hinata nearly fell over under the weight, but he managed to stay upright and began dragging it back down towards the bedroom. Kageyama was not far behind, his arms laden with blankets and a pillow perched precariously on top.

He closed the bedroom door behind him with a foot and turned on the light with an elbow. They worked in relative silence, laying out the mattress alongside Kageyama's bed. Hinata bounced from one end to the other, tucking in the blankets and making everything fluffy and nice. Kageyama watched him mostly, the way he always did. The borrowed sweater from Kageyama's closet was too big on Hinata, coming well past his wrists. Both the sleeves and the cuffs of Kageyama's pants had to be rolled up a few times, but it made Hinata look lost. When they were done, Hinata gave an approving nod, and promptly flopped onto it, ruining all his hard work.

He gave a happy humming-sigh and for some reason, Kageyama completely agreed. It explained much of what remained unsaid, perhaps better than clumsy words could.

"Do you think there's school tomorrow?"

Kageyama hummed, sitting at the edge of his bed. "Not if the trains stop."

"Do you think the trains will stop?"

"Not if the snow stops."

"Do you think the snow will stop?"

"…Hopefully not." Kageyama flushed as soon as the words left his lips, grateful that Hinata wasn't looking. His relief was short lived. Hinata's head popped up, his eyes wide. "Don't look at me like that."

"Kageyama—!" He fought his way out of the blankets, crawling to Kageyama's knees. "What does that mean?"

Kageyama didn't reply. Another flush was crawling up his neck and Hinata was getting closer and closer with those big eyes.

"What does that mean?" He was close enough for Kageyama to feel his soft breathing, expectant and tingling on his skin.

"You know what it means."

Hinata grinned—tried to smother it but failed. "Nope! I don't know!" He tugged on Kageyama's sleeve. "C'mon, tell me!"

Kageyama shook his head and shrugged Hinata's hand away.

"Kageyamaaaaa," Hinata whined.

He still didn't reply, even as he had to fight Hinata for the covers, enough to bury himself in. "Goodnight," he said thickly, his voice muffled by the sheets.

All was quiet, then Hinata huffed softly. He rolled off the bed and turned out the lights. A _fwump _from Kageyama's side indicated Hinata had fallen into bed, and the accompanying rustle of cloth was him rolling himself in the covers.

In the dark, Kageyama uncurled himself. He lay on his back, eyes wide open and staring at the black ceiling. There was a heavy silence in the room—not an unpleasant one. There was the soft wind outside, muffled by thick snow and the panes of frost glass. There was the emptiness of his house all around. And there was Hinata.

The silence was alive with the sound of Hinata. Breathing, moving, _existing_. Right there, somewhere in the dark. Kageyama's fingers itched under the sheets, the memory of Hinata's skin right against his fingertips. He clenched them into fists, shutting his eyes tightly. Every inch of his body wanted more. More touches, more kisses, more Hinata. Suddenly his bed felt too big and empty.

"H-hey."

"Mhmm?" Hinata sounded sleepy.

Kageyama instantly regretted it. "Nevermind. Goodnight." He rolled towards the wall, fingers achingly empty.

Then a voice. "Kageyama?"

"Hmm."

"It's really cold tonight, isn't it?"

"Do you need another blanket?"

"…"

"Yes or no?"

"No."

"…are you sure?"

There was a rustle of blankets instead of an answer. Kageyama turned in consternation, flipping over in bed, only to see Hinata crawling out of his sheets and slipping into the bedcovers. He smiled in the dark; Kageyama could feel the smile rather than see it. Warm hands wrapped around his chest, snaking under his arms, forcing him to make room. He could feel Hinata's breath right through his shirt, soft hair tickling his chin. It was at moments like these Kageyama realized just how tiny the other boy was. He could be cradled like this, fitting right inside Kageyama's chest cavity like he was meant to be there. Hinata laughed quietly to himself, "Pretty sure. Take a hint, stupid."

"You're good at this, aren't you?"

Hinata looked up, eyes bright. "What does that mean?"

"You're…not embarrassed at all."

Hinata nuzzled Kageyama's shirt. "Are you?"

"Aren't you?"

"A bit," he admitted, but there was a kind of laugh in his tone that made Kageyama's heart thump a little. "Kageyama?"

"Hmm." This one was more of a hum, Kageyama's nose pressed into Hinata's hair.

"Is this okay?"

"Mhmm."

* * *

No not sex you damn weebs. keep it together. man, what am i gonna do with you all.

p.s. thank me now. ;d


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